I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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