You don't have asthma, your pregnant
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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