You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i love accidental penises.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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