i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I am available for nakedness
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
