watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
