i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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