Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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