She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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