Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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