Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
