yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
