Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Please, let me fuck your mom
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize