he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
