are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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