he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
