he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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