did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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