i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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