He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
