i jhust puked up my retainher.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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