i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
