Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize