she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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