THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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