5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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