Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
and you fell through a lawn chair
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
