dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
