You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
