if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
