Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
