I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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