my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
