Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
