I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
