I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
