um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Too much gin, very little bucket
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
