we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
