have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
