Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
