No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
And then my night got REAL pukey
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
