the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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