forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
