I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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