you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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