Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
i now understand why vodka
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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