i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
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