I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
