so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
