Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i drank out of a bidet.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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