Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
