I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize