i need an iv and a liver transplant
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
