Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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