somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
