I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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