i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
