We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
