Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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