I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
