i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
