the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
