I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The power of my boobs compel you
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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