I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
