she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Rumble strips road head = magical
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
