I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
