Farmville is her only friend.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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