When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
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Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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