This show inspires me to have sex in space
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
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The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
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just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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