just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
