Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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